Rudy Giuliani satire/humor

Rudy Giuliani Hacks Up A Lung During Pro Trump Speech

https://www.mediaite.com/politics/rudy-giuliani-falsely-claims-people-dont-die-of-coronavirus-anymore/



At a campaign rally in Philadelphia Monday, Trump lover and former Mayor of New York, Rudy Giuliani hacked up a lung after some questionable comments on the coronavirus.

Appearing at a small pro Trump gathering billed as an Italian Americans For Trump event, Giuliani claimed that people are no longer dying from coronavirus infection.

Highlights from the event include –

Giuliani told the small crowd that he had taken hydroxychloroquine – even though he had earlier claimed to have tested negative for COVID – the drug that was allegedly discredited as a treatment.

“I took one this morning,” he said. “I was exposed four days ago. Four negatives.” ( One would wonder why he would bother taking it if he had tested negative ).

“My doctor makes me take it because he believes it’s a prophylactic, ( you know, like wearing a condom. If I shoot my wad, I will never be falsely accused of sexual misconduct and be labeled a pervert like president Trump ).”

The crowd cheered wildly. Someone yelled, “You da man, Rudy, shoot dat wad!”

On Joe Biden:

“He’s a slimy crooked politician.” ( Giuliani should take a look in a mirror; he would see a slimy, crooked politician looking back at him ). “But he comes across as a nice old man. ( Too bad Giuliani doesn’t come across as anything but a buffoon ). “He’s a Catholic, a fake Catholic”, to which a doofus in the crowd yelled, “Killing babies two days before they’re born – he’s okay with it!”

On Black Lives Matter Giuliani let his racism shine through:

“They shout ‘kill police!’ ” he falsely claimed. “Pigs in a blanket, fry ’em like bacon! Black Lives Matter equals ‘kill cops,’ ” to which another doofus yelled out, “Build the wall. Keep them commies out!’

And it’s founded by people who killed cops,” he said mentioning Susan Rosenberg as an example, a former fugitive who was not a founding member of BLM. It was founded by three women who had never killed a cop.

On the McCloskey’s, the gun-toting couple who threatened the BLM protesters with guns in their St. Louis neighborhood:

He claimed the protesters had yelled, ‘we want to rape your wife! We want this for reperations!’ ” He also claimed their daughter had been hiding under a bed quaking in fear from all the threats of rape.

On the controversial comments:

“People aren’t dying from this disease anymore,” he told the cheering crowd. “Young people don’t die at all. Middle age people die very little, and even elderly people have a one percent chance of dying.”


Giuliani paused and coughed roughly into the mic, causing it to squeal in protest. The crowd winced. Giuliani tapped it firmly, causing another annoying squeal, which reverberated throughout the room, causing the crowd to wince again.

“Sorry folks,” he said, his already pale face turning even more pale. “I guess it has COVID. Maybe we should force it to wear a mask.”

The crowd glanced around at each other, not sure what to make of it. For a moment they looked from each other to Giuliani, not sure if he was being serious or telling a joke.

Giuliani’s face became even more pale. He swallowed noisly into the mic. Beads of sweat dribbled down his face. “I said… I guess it has COVID,” he said again. After a moment’s pause, the crowd erupted into laughter. He was telling a joke, of course.

Giuliani grinned nervously, obviously pleased with himself.

Instead of quieting down after a few seconds, the crowd continued laughing. They laughed so long and so hard, as if they found it to be one of the funniest jokes they had ever heard. People were falling all over each other. Those not wearing masks were holding onto each other like drinking buddies and laughing and spraying spittle in each other’s faces. Others had fallen from their seats and onto the floor. Some were staggering around, laughing so hysterically, falling over those who had fallen on the floor, which made them laugh even harder.

When Giuliani saw the crowd wasn’t quieting down, he started laughing himself. In a moment he was laughing so hard, he was doubled over clutching his gut. Then he began coughing and couldn’t stop.

When others in the crowd heard him coughing, they too started coughing uncontrollably. And that was when the entire crowd stopped laughing at once and stared supiciously at Giuliani.

Still coughing uncontrollably, he said, “Jesus Christ… Cough!…Cough! I feel like Cough!... Cough! I’m about to hack up a lung!”

He fell onto the floor where he continued hacking and coughing, his face turning beet red, and that was when the entire crowd stampeded for the doors.

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